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April 18 2017

hotlikemy
How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? 

Well I honestly have so much thoughts right  now which is not the best thing. Because hard and exhausting to process. But man you have go to find something to distract yourself like UM YOUR ACADS? 

So here's the deal. It is possible that you are over thinking things. But here it is. 

You may have lost or driven away the person  you care about the most outside of your family. And you don't care about him because you love him romantically.  You just genuine really appreciate and care about him because he's a fantastic person and you just want the best for him because he has been the best and very timely at a time when you rrally needed someone like him. 

And yeahe he's not perfect. He has his own issues and you have added to them. And you don't want that. So he's distancing himself because he can't anymore. AND you just have to respect that because you love him. But where does that leave you? Hello the sight of him on social media but not minding you caused you to feel bad. And I wonder if I'll ever find that person  who just gets me. Because I thought I did. And maybe he's still that person. But you know, friendship isn't about always being there. Hello it's impossible for you to be there and that's demanding too much. Man. 

Just distance yourself. Yeah that hurts cause you love him. But he needs it. And I think you need it too. Because you can survive without him. And you don't need him. And that's okay. You'll get through. You'll move on. And you'll be yourself. You're whole without him. 

And you know what, maybe just keep on writing here. And pray to God. Don't tell anyone anything because it doesn't help. No one can really help you but yourself. And thing will get better. You're okay and you're getting better and improving yourself. 

But seriously this attachment? You gotta stop girl. Because it's so counterproductive. 

Remember the guidance counselor. She believes in you
 She knows you're going to be a doctor. She knows it and so do you. And you're going to kill the rest of this sem. Just do you. Just focus on your acads. Why? Because that's what you can control. And yeah it's gonna hurt. Things changing. But hey that's life. Change is the most constant thing. And we just have to go with the Flow. Masakit. Kasi ayoko magpalit. But things are changing as we speak. And things will continue changing and we don't know what'll be in store for your relationships. So no. You don't fuck relationships up. People just change. You've changed. And you get better and excel. And things will be different. And you just have to be show that you're okay with it. You might not be right now, but you will be. I mean, you prayed for him. Of all the people in this world (again apart from my family), I care about you the most
 Because I love you. Not romantically. But I love you because to me, you are my soul mate. But is this one-sided? Yeah probably is. No doubt you do (or did) mean something to him, but not as much as he does to you. At ang hirap nun diba? Pag pinapahalagahan mo ang isang tao pero di pantay? Pero okay lang. Kasi ganun naman buhay diba. You're supposed to give and not expect anything in return. And you know I just want you to be okay na. And if dissolving our friendship helps you to get to a better place, that's fine with me. I didn't expect it but maybe I was too clingy. Too needy. Di na niya kaya. Insensitive. Man. I have my own issues but why did I tell someone who has even deeper issues? But you know walang kwenta just ruminating about it. My point is you will always mean a lot to me. Because at a time when I felt so lonely and like I'd never find anyone in UP, I found you. And I'll be forever grateful for our friendship, no matter how long it was. God I just wanna cry this all out. Pero it's okay. I'm okay. I'm fine. I miss you. I guess that's it. It's kinda weird how you could go from someone being the most important person to you to a stranger. And it's wonder if I am overthinking things. Pero siguro I need this also. Because I'm expecting too much from you and it's causing me to hope and get disappointed and anxious. And I don't lIke how it's affecting me. I'm done. I need this too. I need to dissociate from you so i can reassure myself that life goes on without you
 I'm awesome and I work hard and I am confident and I have faith in myself and in my God and I know he will see mwhat through..I will work hard and God will do the rest. Trust in his plans. He planned this out and he has other tasks for me to fulfill and I need his help
 And whatever you will is, Lord, I will do it. I love you Lord
 You give me strength. You fill me when I feel empty. You complete meach.  You make my soul whole. You walk beside me when I feel alone. And I am never alone because I have my family here. 

Oh lord, ikaw na ang bahala. Gagawin ko lahat ng makakaya ko at lahat ng kailangan kong gawin. Mahal Kita, Panginoon. At Alam kong mahal mo rin ako. At Tulungan niyo siya, Lord. Please help him and his family and his friends. Bless him and bless them. Please help me as well. Help me to get through this and help me to keep my chin up and help me see you. I love you God and I thank you always. Amen. 
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February 26 2017

hotlikemy
man kailangan kong umayos. umayos ka puta. tama nang feelings. wala akong paki. be manhid. fuck feelings. be your own person. be the best that there is because there are no teams. it's you against the world. learn and love to be on your own. 

June 29 2015

hotlikemy
There is more to life than love. And if jeopardize mine for something that isn't even there, tanga ako. 

Plus these dreams only show me what isn't there and what will never be. There comes a time when you just have to stop and realize that you're chasing someone who will never love you back. 

You're never going to go to my area just to visit. You're never going to think of visiting me because you missed me. You will never truly miss me the way I missed you. What was important and full of meaning to me obviously doesn't mean the same to you. You aren't going to insert me in your schedule. You aren't going to think of me that way. 

And it's okay. 

Maybe we're meant to fall in love with some people to realize that there are better things in store for us. That kind of love takes time and might not go for whom you think it is intended for, but it will go to who it is for. 

You aren't wrong about the concept of love. Just about the person.
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